Nightmare

Elliv opens his eyes. His head snaps side to side, looking around. He reaches up and rips his arms from the blanket he’s wrapped in, but he only sees his brown skin, strong and healthy, wet with cold sweat, but not a K.D.F. uniform. No flags around, only a tent--no hum of a discordium engine, only the symphony of cicadas. He’s been holding his breath since waking up, he slowly lets it out and lays his had back down.

There’s a pale arm draped across him. Ketha’s head, their pretty blonde hair, lays on his chest. He hasn’t disturbed them. He takes a deep, slow breath of cool mountain air, and feels Ketha’s warm breath on his skin. His left arm is wrapped around their back, tense from clutching them tight. He lifts it up and slides it down their long hair. He turns over toward them, throwing his other arm around them, and holds them close against him.

Ketha speaks muffled words into his chest he’s squishing their face into. He loosens up and they reach up and wipe tears from his cheek.

“Bad dream?” Ketha says.

Elliv crushes them against him again with all his strength. “Just another fuckin’ memory.”

“Hey, hey.” They slide their hand up his cheek and their fingers into his long black hair. “Who are you?”

“Elliv Koronova.”

“And where are we?”

He takes another deep breath. “I’m at Helbender Commune.”

“Right. That dream’s far from here. So, so far.”

“Gods, fuck, I love you,” he says, breaking into more tears.

Ketha pulls themself up and takes his body in their arms instead, holding his head against their chest. Their heartbeat calms him down. He squeezes them so tight. Ketha lays with him, gently stroking his long wavy hair, until he eventually pulls his head out of their chest and turns it upward to kiss them, deeply, not letting go.

Ketha grips the muscles of his upper arm. “I love you Elliv, my strong warrior who never lets anyone hurt me no matter how badly I fuck up.”

“Ketha, never stop fucking up, never stop being Ketha.”

“I promise I’ll always fuck up.” They sit up, letting Elliv roll onto his back, and they gently run their fingers down the smooth skin of his chest. “My comrade.”

Elliv sits up and looks into their eyes, like a grey overcast sky. He takes his hand down the side of their head, looping some blonde hair in his fingers, and guides them down to their chest, sticking to the flat part in the middle. The texture of the little hairs growing in there is soft. It ain’t much but they are damn proud to have more body hair than Elliv. Kogai men just don’t grow that much of it.

Elliv lets them go and climbs out of the blankets toward the pile of his clothes.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Ketha says.

“No, no point, same old shit.” He pulls his dark grey hemp pants over his legs and tightens the battle belt still in its loops. He reaches for his boots. “I need some air.”

He crawls out from the tent. Just before dawn, the twilight glow surrounds the fog-covered horizon. The cool, misty air on his chest helps further calm his breathing and his heart. Ketha follows him in a hurry, just in their grey pants, with their binder in hand. They come up behind him and hug him--so warm.

“Don’t think I’ll be getting no more sleep,” Elliv says.

“Me neither.” Ketha pulls the tight cloth over their head and begins to force it into place, flattening out their body.

Elliv looks down at his right arm, feeling revulsion at the sight of the tattoo there--a winged sword flying over the world, the insignia of the Kogaku Defense Forces. He takes the grey bandana from his pocket and wraps it around his arm over the shameful mark, tying it off with his teeth.

He sits down, leaning against one of the healthy trees, looking out east. Ketha sits next to him. He puts his arm around their shoulders and pulls them close. They sit there until the sun rises.