[CW: self-harm, child abuse]

✴

The creeper rises to his feet and pokes around the mycelial passageways surrounding your current sector. Flashes of memory cross your& mind, triggering emotional shockwaves--anger, despair, fear, dysphoria, sadness--you& can’t even tell which side of you& it comes from.

He glides down a tunnel, pulling you& along, still entangled in your& cable whip.

I’m so sorry, this is the worst thing that could have happened, you& think. I thought I had him under control now...

It’s ok. I came here to confront something hard, I didn’t expect it to be easy. I’m ready for this.

“That’s what you’d like to think,” the nameless one signs. “We’ll see about that. What have we here, at the intersection of anger, terror, and despair?”

He sticks his hands into a dense cluster of hyphæ, a complex web encoding sensory data--a memory. He pries it apart, and your& headspace dissolves and reforms itself.

You&‘re in Lunar gravity, on a cold night, in your own house. The walls melt and distort, curving inward, compressing the air--suffocating. The floor feels unstable--you& struggle to keep your balance--it’s your& legs that are unstable--it’s your& eyes that are distorted by a film of water.

You&‘re small, an Aykiko several years smaller. They tower over you&, Yelena, Ælita, radiating anger. You& can’t make out the shape of their faces. You& can’t hear their words, but they impact you&, vibrations that unsettle your& entire consciousness. Your& hands are shaking. Ælita cries, and Yelena yells--a feedback loop between them, all focused directly at you&.

Yelena takes a step toward you&, shaking the unsteady floor, impacting it like a meteor. You& almost lose your& balance in the Moonquake, but she catches you& by the wrist, crushing it tight. Her hand is burning hot. You&‘ve never felt so cold, even wrapped up in your& heavy nighttime coat. Her other hand is a tight fist. You& only make out two words on her lips--“Company property.”

She releases you&. You& run--not toward the front door, you& already know it’s locked and your& key is disabled. You& run straight to your room, past the empty bedroom next to it. You& can still lock this door, but you know she can open it. Stomping, yelling, the whole house vibrates. But you&‘re alone--for now--alone in your room, under the red, the grey, the black, the livery of Redshift Security, all your life surrounding you, boxing you in, even in your sleep. You& fall onto your bed and stare up through the skylight, past the rippling water of the dome, off to the distant stars--if only you& were there, far, far away.

Your& wrist still burns with pain, but the feeling always changes over time. There’s a calming wave that comes with it--endorphins, you read about it before. You& want more of that relief--you& need it. You& reach for the objects around you&--what seems appealing?