Choose your Path

Ætherglow #354

<< Return to Chapter 17

🌘

Outside Counselor Xi’s office, you pace up and down the short hallway, waiting while she makes her preparations. You don’t know what to expect from this--delving into memories and feelings better off repressed, as far as your...

Ætherglow #355

🌘

“I’ll make every effort to recognize your boundaries too,” you sign.

You feel happiness from her, but still wrapped up in anxiety.

“You’re sweet Aydan, but it’ll be more difficult than you think,” she signs.

“Well I might fuck up but we’ll be okay,...

Ætherglow #356

You always seem to gravitate toward the first time you encountered her, the day you arrived at Translunar Academy. You keep it in a directory for special memories. She was sitting by the pond at the world’s edge, her eyes a tranquil blue, scattering...

Ætherglow #357

You& feel like an enby who’s kind of a girl, or a girl who’s kind of an enby, that feels right at the moment. You& feel unusually confident about it. It’s just you& in here, nobody to observe you&, you& could do anything you want with your& avatar....

Ætherglow #358

It was worth a venture, but this hairstyle isn’t working for you&. You& reconstitute its former length, and make it even longer. It’s just too important a stim toy not to have. You&‘re keeping the wires, though, woven in with braids along the sides...

Ætherglow #359

You& know just the thing--a mycelial network. You& can feel it now, the soil on your& fingertips as you& reach around you&, the tiny stimmy fibers lining the tunnel. You& feel the airflow through the corridor, telling you the story of a vast...

Ætherglow #360

[CW: self harm, suicide, transphobia]


Threats like that warrant only one response. You& strike at the interloper with your& cable-whip--he dodges. You& can feel his every movement in your& tactile web of mycelium--you& strike again, but he slips...

Ætherglow #361

[CW: self-harm, child abuse]


The creeper rises to his feet and pokes around the mycelial passageways surrounding your current sector. Flashes of memory cross your& mind, triggering emotional shockwaves--anger, despair, fear, dysphoria, sadness--you&...

Ætherglow #362

[CW: self-harm]


Maybe you& can just distract yourself&, get lost in a project. You& push yourself& up and over to your desk, where you were in the middle of modifying your terminal. Its plastic case is removed, its circuitry exposed. You& stare...

Ætherglow #363

“And you are?! You didn’t even have the strength to accept who we really are!” you& sign.

The mycelium vibrates as he crosses the cavern floor. You& back away, but he’s faster--you& turn one way, and he outmaneuvers you&. Your& back hits the wall....

Ætherglow #364

The Creeper still manifested in headspace while Akiko was fronting, surely Akiko is still here somewhere now, you reason--finding her must be your top priority. But I can read my every thought, you& think. Every corridor you probe into immediately...

Ætherglow #365

[CW: suicide]


Not there! You desperately try to redirect yourself&, but you& go there anyway.

Let’s see what you’re hiding from ourself! You& tear open a memory cluster. Headspace transforms again into a Lunar environment--concrete and glass walls...

Ætherglow #366

“I don’t want to be a weapon!” you& say, forcibly pulling your& hand out of Ælita’s grasp. She looks up to Yelena, who sighs and keeps her gaze fixed beyond the window.

“None of us ever chose to be who we are. That’s life. One day you’ll understand...

Ætherglow #367

As you fall deeper into a dark corner of memoryspace, you try to envisage a model of your& headspace--whatever is engineered can be reverse-engineered. But something is off about it--it’s changing with every node you travel.

You thought it would be...

Ætherglow #368

You can’t lose your focus now. You’re just starting to make sense of it. But what kind of evolutionary algorithm are you dealing with? It doesn’t seem to match with the concepts of genetic algorithms, or anything resembling an organic pattern. So...

Ætherglow #369

Suppress anxiety. Suppress fear. Suppress sadness and regret. Suppress everything. Suppress love. You& need your& full mental capacity for one task.

Forget this moment, this snowy street, this cold night. Forget your form, your body, your name,...

Ætherglow #370

“I& admit, that was actually helpful, but it wasn’t help I& consented to!” you& say.

“How...could you...when you...won’t let me...speak...”

You& relax your& iron mental grip on the æther around him a little, pulling the mycelial cage open, and easing...

Ætherglow #371

No matter what, you& won’t let yourself& be separated.

sync rate: 55%

sync rate: 52%

You& dismiss the warnings, as headspace breaks down all around you&. You& can no longer feel the distant mycelial corridors. The shadow that overtook your& headmate...

Ætherglow #372

🌘

“We had some interference,” you sign.

“Internal interference,” Akiko signs. “It was my...headmate.”

“You never told me you had a headmate,” Counselor Xi signs. “You’re a good CommSpec to be able to hide that from me.”

“I never admitted it to anyone...

Ætherglow #373

🌘

You decide to leave this to the specialist and follow Akiko’s lead. You feel her shield surround you--you can almost feel its texture on the air around you. Its phase is inverted, facing inward, blocking the strong emotions you can’t help but project...

Ætherglow #374

🌘

“I know, it’s scary, I feel it too. But I meant what I said before we synced. I want to know all of you, and I want you to know all of me,” you sign.

She pulls you close, kisses you, and hugs you tight.

[Akiko liked that]

“Aydan,” she signs, letting...

Ætherglow #375

🌘

“Absolutely,” you sign, emphatically.

She leads you to the elevator. The other students in the hallways seem far away. Their gaze never reaches you, only Akiko’s touch feels real. The doors to the elevator close. It’s a short ride, barely long...

Ætherglow #376

🌘

You find yourself in uncharted emotional territory. Although you’re nervous, and currently lack the ability to forcibly suppress it, your adventurous spirit wins out.

“Interface layer is so tight,” you sign. “Can you help me?”

Not hesitating, she...

Ætherglow #377

🌘

“That just makes us stimmier,” you sign.

She throws her arms around you again and hugs you tight. You lean your head against hers and feel the soft texture of her hair. Her body feels so warm. Her fingertips slide down your back--the spark of their...

Ætherglow #378

🌘

“Then teach me your language that needs no sight,” you sign. At that, her eyes flicker pink and green.

[Akiko liked that]

She sits up, and you sit up facing her. “That’s my first language, it’s very important to me, the mode of thinking I default to...