Chapter 18

Ætherglow #372


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“We had some interference,” you sign.

“Internal interference,” Akiko signs. “It was my...headmate.”

“You never told me you had a headmate,” Counselor Xi signs. “You’re a good CommSpec to be able to hide that from me.”

“I never admitted it to anyone before today really,” Akiko signs, not letting go of your hand but dragging it with her to sign with both of hers. “Not even to myself. I thought if I was a good enough technopath, I could just remove him from my system entirely. But somehow, he always finds a way back.”

“It’s never that simple,” Xi signs. “My headmates remind me of that constantly.”

“Really? I never knew...” Akiko signs.

“Because I’m a good CommSpec too, remember?” Xi signs.

“My headmate...Anko, he’s something like my twin brother, but also like what I would be if I never transitioned. And he’s really...abusive, and does nothing but cause trouble in my head if I let him...”

“This is really common for plural systems, especially for synthgirls like you, Akiko,” Xi signs. “We call this a persecutor. They come in many forms, but it’s often the form of what we fear the most. Kind of a negative thought loop in your mind that reached the scale of a Jovian storm and became a permanent resident. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, almost all plural systems deal with them at some time in our lives.”

“I know...it was naive of me to think I could just suppress him forever,” Akiko signs.

“The third rule of technopathy, Akiko,” Xi signs.

“What is suppressed will be released.”

“Even as technopaths, there is no reliable way to definitively remove a headmate from our systems once they live there,” Xi signs. “Persecutors are famously persistent. The only option is to communicate with them, figure out what they want and why they keep hurting you, and reach some kind of reconciliation.”

Akiko squeezes your hand tighter for a second. “But in our case, what he wants and what I want are completely incompatible.”

“You may think that, but it’s not the CommSpec way to assume. He might need your help finding what it is he really needs. He might think, misguidedly, that he’s protecting you by harming you. Persecutors don’t hurt us just for the sake of cruelty, they exist for some reason, and that is something you must resolve as a system,” Xi signs.

“You’re probably right...” Akiko signs.

“Let’s schedule some sessions for you next semester.”

“I guess I should. Okay.”

“Now, Aydan, what did you find?” Xi signs.

You gather the thoughts that have been running through your head since reassociation. “With Akiko, and Anko’s help I managed to access the repressed memories and emotions we were looking for.”

“Good work,” Xi signs.

“I understand now. What is suppressed will be released. There are some things, like headmates, or memories, or feelings, that we can’t just ignore forever. There are things we must accept. Suppressing is just another way of holding onto them. To be a better technopath, I needed to let go, instead, to devote my focus completely to the task at hand,” you sign.

“Good, Aydan. That lesson may well save your life sometime,” Xi signs. “But did you find anything else buried inside that memory?”

“I...can’t remember what happened after that...” You press your fingers against your head.

“That was when the sync destabilized, right?” Akiko signs.

“Right, right after we released that memory,” you sign.

“It may be related,” Xi signs. “We’ll have to look into it in our next session, but you need rest now.”

“Yeah...I really do.” You lean over, onto Akiko, without thinking.”

“Go get some rest,” Xi signs. “Do not dissociate into the æther again until you’ve had a full night’s sleep. Both of you. Counselor’s order.”

“Understood,” you both sign, almost mirroring each other with your free hands.

You stand up, simultaneously. Neither of you has even thought about letting go of the other.

“By the way, you did an excellent job at your first synchronization, Aydan. Almost as if it were not your first time, in fact. Or even your first time with this sync partner.” Counselor Xi hits you with a moment of intense eye contact--you feel it ripple through your system out to your terminal.


What will you do?

1) Shield my emotions immediately.: 3 (23.07%)
2) Send out a false empathic signal to throw her off.: 3 (23.07%)
3) Go along with whatever Akiko tries to do.: 6 (46.15%)
4) Make no attempt to hide it.: 1 (7.69%)
Expired 1 months ago (2024-11-15 07:53:32)